Hot diggity!

The new cover of RollingStone!!!!  The ladies look amazing, but what is up with Don Draper's face?  Is he trying his best Blue Steel?  And, if that's his best, maybe he shouldn't try anymore.

There's no way this is Jessica Simpson

So, apparently, this is Jessica Simpson.  I'm not sure what's going on with that hair, or those lips, but this doesn't look at all like Jessica Simpson.  It kinda looks like Ivanka Trump, but maybe after she's given birth and has birthing boobs and a few extra baby pounds to lose.  Does this look at ALL like Jessica Simpson?!??!?

[Image via Daily Mail]

This picture can't be real

I mean, right??  This seems a bit ridiculous to me.  This guy plays football and is a spokesperson for Head and Shoulders.  Apparently, Head and Shoulders just insured his locks for $1 million.  Really?  Heidi Klum's legs are insured for $2.2 million, which I can totally see given that Klum is a frickin model and needs to have nice gams.  But, a football player getting his hair insured...is...just weird.  Troy Polamalu hasn't had his hair cut in eight years.  Isn't that bad for your hair?  Aren't you supposed to trim your hair every couple of months to keep it healthy?  So, they're insuring this guy for his long, incredibly nasty, damaged hair??  I mean, there could be rodents living in that thing.  If he really wanted to make headlines, well, he could be a better football player, but also, he could cut off all that hair and donate it to Locks of Love. 

Fail!

I have yet to watch the entire Emmy's (um, True Blood and Mad Men were on at the same time, and sorry, those take precedence), but I did catch the red carpet and the first hour, and the opening number was pretty great.  Seriously, that Jon Hamm is funny (however, Don Draper is not...oh my God, the episode of Mad Men last night was soooo awkward from a Don Draper point of view.  I actually covered my eyes at one point because I just couldn't watch the train wreck that he's become). 

But, how about that red carpet?  I was mostly underwhelmed, but man, were some of those dresses bad.  I think the worst of the evening was January Jones.  I mean, what in the world was she thinking putting this thing on and then going out in public?  I'm pretty sure even Cyndi Lauper wouldn't wear that thing.

I might as well stay on Mad Men and talk about Christina Hendricks' dress, because, like her costar January, it was a huge flop.  The style is not flattering on her at all, but what is with those feathers?  It's too 1800's prostitute.  I think Wyatt Earp would have liked this dress.

And, then there was this.  Poor Mindy Kaling. I mean, she should be fined for this.  Honey, it's the Emmy's.  Not tryouts for Who's the Next Burlesque Babe.  Maybe she's just tired of dressing business casual for The Office.

And, the Tara Reid Award of the evening goes to CSI: Miami's Eva LaRue.  But, to quote her co-star, Horatio Caine: "It's not important what people say about us. It's important what we think of ourselves inside." 

[Images via Getty Images]

La Trop�zienne by Clare Vivier

About a year ago I read about a handbag designer, Clare Vivier, in LA Weekly and then stumbled upon her again in Lucky magazine.  Now, it's no secret that I have a bit of a bag obsession.  I have more bags than I do shoes.  Or jeans.  Or, probably underwear.  And one word describes Clare Vivier's bags: brilliant. 

I kept looking for her, checking up to see where else she had been featured and what else she was up to.  Soon enough, I realized that I needed to invest in one of these brilliant bags before she exploded even more and I'd never be able to afford one.  So, with my bonus check last month, I excitedly went online and ordered the La Trop�zienne in brown.  I only had to wait six days and then it arrived.  Slowly and carefully, I opened the box and gazed down at my latest purchase, and, what has quickly become my latest obsession.  I love this bag.  It's the perfect size and the color is so rich and lovely.  The more I use it, the better it looks.  And, the more I use it, the more compliments I get.  My favorite: "Wow, that bag is gorgeous.  Can I touch it?"

The best break up song. Ever.

Thank you, Cee-Lo Green, for the awesomeness that is this song.  Warning to those that don't like the "F" word: listen anyway.  It's fecking brilliant.

It's been a human feces kind of week

So, earlier this week I had to go to NY for a client meeting (a whirlwind trip down and back in the same day, which is totally doable, but sometimes exhausting), and there was an episode at Penn Station.  Now, I was tired and my brain was a bit fried, so I really just wanted to get into Penn, find a seat, and wait for my train.  Well, that didn't happen.  It was fecking nuts in the station, with mass crowds of people pushing and running and yelling.  I still am not sure what happened, but before I knew what was going on, I was pushed down and stepped on by a pack of 20somethings.  When I finally managed to get up (thank you man in the gray sweater and fedora), my hands were filthy and I desperately needed to pee (weird, yeah).  I hate using the restroom at Penn because, well, it's repulsive.  But, I was desperate, so away I went.  I finally found a somewhat clean (or so I thought) stall, but soon realized there was no toilet paper.  And, this was after I stepped in gum AND human feces.  In my favorite shoes.  Yeah, I cried.

However, I guess you can say that I'm lucky because, unlike Tila Tequila, at least I didn't have human feces thrown at me.  While performing.  On a stage.  Topless.  And drunk.  In front of an unruly mob.  If you don't know who Tila Tequila is, well, good for you.  But, if you do know who she is, I think you'll agree with me when I say having human feces thrown at her is probably one of the least dirty things that has ever happened to that trampy trollop.   

[Image via WENN]

You can be beautiful, but sometimes that doesn't always mean you will be smart, too

Kim K. recently confessed to Allure magazine that her "entire body is completely hairless."  Well, honey, that ain't true because you've got quite a bit of hair on top of that bobble head of yours (granted, I'm sure those extensions make up 50%).  However, what really got me is what her dream was when she was younger: to be a reality TV star.  That was her dream.  �In elementary school, The Real World came on, and I was like, That�s it! I know I want to be on a reality show. And I was like, OK, when I�m old enough, I will make an audition tape.�

Even better?  Laurence Fishburne's daughter, Montana Fishburne, just announced that her idol, Kim Kardashian, made her want to go into porn. On her inspiration behind her newfound career: �I�ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.�

It's really so inspiring to see these girls aim so high.

Um, wait. What? Honestly????

This is just weird.

It's splitsville...again!

Apparently Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood have split up...again.  Third times the charm?  I honestly don't know how Ms. Wood went back to Mr. CrazyPants after seeing this video (warning - it's pretty graphic at the end), which he did after the second time they split up.  The resemblance between the woman in the video to Ms. Wood is uncanny.  And, the video is just disturbing.  But, she went back to him, so maybe she was touched by the video.  They're both weird.

Look at this guy!

I have had a very ridiculous week that's been chock o' block full of grumpiness (my own grumpiness, that is).  Until I saw this pic. 

Jude Law may be annoying and a fairly horrific actor, but the fact that he can dress like a dandy and date a hot chick is incredibly impressive.  In all actuality, I think he's actually wearing said hot girl's clothing.  The chest hair, the orange hue, the tight rolled jeans, the no socks...ahhhh, it's heavenly, isn't it??  Somebody's FABULOUS!!!!

[Image via Splash News]

My Soul to Take

Wes Craven's got a new horror flick coming out just in time for Halloween, and, based on a couple of the hairdos, I'm wondering if the movie is set in the 80s.  Which would make some sense considering Wes Craven's best work was done, well, before this movie.  Set in "Riverton," Massachusetts, the movie is based on a "dead" serial killer who comes back to haunt the kids that were born on the night he died.  Yawn.  He should've just saved this 3D awesomeness and done a fourth Scream movie.  Oh, wait...

Black Swan will getcha

The new Darren Aronofsky film looks ridiculous crazy.  And it's about ballerinas.  Mmmhmmm.  Ballerinas.  Hot ballerinas. 

Oh. Dear. God.

Alexander Skarsgard is, as everyone knows, a bit of an obsession of mine.  I mean, solely because I think he's a brilliant actor, of course.  And, even more so now that I've just read this juicy little nugget: Alexander Skarsgard goes sockless in all his nude scenes. �I don�t want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous,� he told Rolling Stone magazine. �If we�re naked in the scene, then I�m naked. I�ve always been that way."

Sigh.  That damn Soooooookie Stackhouse is one lucky waitress. 

Tongue Diving?

This is just disturbing. Apparently, Adam Lambert has stated via Twitter that tongue diving (grabbing random audience members' during your own show and sticking your tongue down their throats) is the new stage diving.  Um, well, this is one trend I will certainly not be following.  I mean, stage diving can't give you herps.  Wait, actually, I guess it could.  Stage diving can't give you a viral infection.  Well, actually, I guess it could. Stage diving can't, oh, for christ sake, stage diving isn't nearly as disgusting as tongue diving.  Period.  

[Image via FreakingNews.com]

It's Whitney, bitch

Which do you prefer?  The maybe still on drugs, failed at relaunching her singing career, vacationing Whitney?

Or, do you prefer the coked out, crack is whack, Booobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy screamin trainwreck?

I'm sooo torn.

Whoa!

Joey Lawrence is apparently coming out with a new album.  His first album, Joey Lawrence, had two top ten hits in 1993, and if you'd like to listen to the whole album, here you go.  You're welcome.  So, jump ahead 17 years, and here we go again, except Joey has no hair, no famous catch phrase, and is comparing his new album to Justin Timberlake's first album.  Um, come again?  Apparently, Joey is starring in a new sitcom premiering this month and he sings the theme song:

"It's called "Stuck with Me." It reminds of me of the theme of Friends. And I'm making a brand new record that will drop early next year. It is right there with the first Justin Timberlake CD.  I haven't done an album since 1997, but it sold six million copies and fans have always asked me for more. And I would not have waited this long and gone down this path again if I didn't think we had something."

 Well, this should be interesting.


[Image via FilmMagic]

This is, well, gross

Just looking at her makes me feel dirty.  She just oozes gross.  This is what she wore to the unveiling of her new fragrance, Pathetic.  I think that sums it up quite nicely.

[Image via the Daily Fix]

Um, is that nipple?

Yes, I definitely see nipple.  Well, it was bound to happen eventually.  She definitely likes taking her clothes off for photo shoots, yet refrains from doing so in her movies because of ethical reasons.  Jen, meet Karma.  She's a bitch.

So we gonna smoke a ounce to this

Mischa Barton seems to be enjoying herself on a yacht in St. Tropez.  Too bad for her she didn't get the memo that it's super cliche to go on a vacation on a yacht in St. Tropez.  Especially wearing that outfit.  She looks like she may be filming a scene for Boogie Nights 2.  Do you think she'll ever redeem herself?  Or do you think she's walking the LaLohan crazy line and headed for Washedupchildactordrugaddictattentionwhore Island?  Maybe that's where the yacht is headed... 

[Image via INF Daily]

I don't care if it's faux. It's hideous.

I received my weekly Nordstrom email this morning and thought I'd take a few minutes to look through their new fall line-up.  Everything was going just fine until I saw this jacket.  I had such a strong reaction to it that I nearly fell out of my chair, spilling my tea all over myself.  This thing is hideous.  Repulsive!  Other than Mary Kate and Ashley, can anyone really pull this off?  And, for $200, why would you want to?  Not to mention it looks like something my grandmother has had in her closet since the 1930s.  Ugh.  If this is what I have to look forward to with regards to fall fashion this year, I'm going to be incredibly disappointed.