Happy Birthday, Mom!

David Spade's baby girl looks just like Chris Farley

[Image via Perez Hilton]

RIP Michael

I'm very sad about Michael Jackson's passing... His Thriller album was the first record I ever owned, and I was truly obsessed with him throughout my childhood. Strange as he was, he was a brilliant musician, artist, and performer. I used to dance for hours in my room trying to perfect his moves... the only one I truly ever got down was the moonwalk. I hope that now he is truly at peace.

[Image via the Girl from the Ghetto]

Dear Katie Price

Dear Katie,

Hey, I know it's been a long time since we've chatted, but I figured I'd send you a quick note. I'm not sure if you've noticed or not, but recent media pictures of you have been, well, less than flattering. I'm not sure who dresses you, but you may want to rethink some of your fashion choices (i.e. the outfit above is a great example of how much of a skank you look these days). And a hair braid around your forehead? Honestly, what is that all about? Is that your own hair or did you actually buy that? And those eye lashes? They look like porn moustaches. I'm also a little worried about your stomach... Have you and Tara Reid been hanging out? If so, may I make a recommendation that you not hang out with her ever again? It could really hurt your image. One other thing, does the shirtless guy to your right have a dead cat hanging from his shoulder? I'm confused... are you partying or dumpster diving?

Maybe someday we can be friends again, but since you refuse to listen to me, I'm just going to keep gloating at all the drunk ho pictures that are swirling around the internet (and, Katie, it's "internet" not "internets").

Take care,
Your Dignity

[Image via WENN]

Vanessa Minnillo says: Stay out of it, Nick Lachey!

Two of the most boring people in the world finally called it quits after three years. It's the same old "they remain close friends" crap, and I can't help but wonder if they just got tired of not having anything to talk about except her boobs and his pecs. Well, for all you The Soup fans, now Nick has time on his hands to make more guest appearances on One Tree Hill.

Um, really?

Okay, I get it. Lady GaGa is different. She's not your typical pop star. She's gifted. And she sure does like to perform. I had no idea how talented she was until I saw this pic. Anyone who can make fire burst from their Eiffel Tower nipples has to be super human, right? I am a little bit concerned about the foof coverage she's got going on, though. Thankfully, she's not rocketing sparks out of that thing, although, well, ya never know. She definitely seems like she'd be the one to experiment with that shit. Maybe that picture couldn't be published.



[Image via Splash News]

Oh my God, so excited!

Alice in Wonderland is coming! Alice in Wonderland is coming! Tim Burton's remake is on its way and here are a few character pictures.

It's hard being a guy named Rob

It's incredibly difficult being Rob Pattinson these days. He can't even walk down the street without being mobbed (or, apparently, pushed in front of a cab). I mean, yeah, I got sucked into the craze too. I'm totally hooked on the Twilight series and, yeah, sure, Edward Cullen definitely had something to do with that. All I have to say is, if any of those tween bitches injures Edward so that he can't be on set to film the third movie this fall, I will be more than angry. I've been perfecting my super immortal skills lately and those bitches don't want to see what an angry unemployed 33 year old woman from the Witch City can do to their fragile egos....


[Image via Splash News]

Paris heads to Dubai in search of her next victim

Random Arab: Miss Paris, welcome to Dubai. Here are our finest young Arabians for you to judge.

Paris: OMG, I can't wait to see what they're wearing!!!

RA: Um, what they are wearing?

Paris: Yes, I'm very particular about what my boyfriends wear. I mean, I can't have them, like, looking like sloppy seconds. Y'know, like they'd date Britney or something. I have so much more class.

RA: Miss Paris, you asked for 25 our finest Arabians. Horses do not wear clothing and, I have to admit, I wasn't aware you American debutantes were into beasteality.

Paris: What? Horses? OMG, how brilliant! I don't have a horse yet. I could totally like dress up a horse and ride it all over Beverly Hills! Oh, Dubbya Man, I love you!

[Image via Daily Fix]

I didn't know vampires could get drunk

Oh, wait, that's no vampire. It's just Courtney Love drunk off her ass in New York City. And by drunk, I mean rip roaring crazy with a bouffant of crazy on her head and fifteen ripples of crazy on her left elbow. Actually, I'm pretty sure that bouffant of crazy on her head is the raven that attempted to peck out her lifeless eyes thinking she was a corpse sitting upright on someone's front steps. Unfortunately for the raven, Courtney mistook it for a tiara, shoving it on her head, killing the poor thing instantaneously with the scent of crazy oozing from her hair follicles.

[Image via the Daily Fix]

Case in point

Married life has turned Scarlett into an old lady

Okay, so maybe not old lady, but seriously, is it my imagination or is Scarlett looking like a 1950s housewife instead of a 25 year old? Her hot husband, Ryan Reynolds, who is 33, looks younger (and waaaaaay hotter) than her. Scarlett, if you can't handle married life, I'd be willing to swap places with you....

Um, a bit gross, but I HAD to post something about it

Losing your hair is always somewhat hard to swallow. Thinning hair, again, worrisome. Some people resort to Rogaine, a wig, toup�e, plugs, extensions, and even something resembling spray paint. And, if you were Kate Winslet while she was on the set of The Reader, you probably would have been mortified to learn that you needed a wig for your, uh, private bits. It seems 50 years ago women preferred a fuller hairdo downstairs, and Winslet couldn�t grow hers quick enough� so they made her a -- wait for it -- pubic wig.

Kate explains, �The film is set in the 1950s. I couldn�t just have a landing strip. I had to grow the hair down there. But because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn�t come back quite the way it used to. They made me a merkin - a wig - because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough.�

[Image via funny-potato.com]

Crazy lesbian is acting odd

Um, really? THIS is news? That Lindsay Lohan is "causing concern" because of her erratic behavior at a party. AT A PARTY. Apparently, she was drinking virgin shirley temples and playing on a stripper pole. Wait. Wait. This is cause for concern? Not the fact that she's dropped like 20 pounds in a month, ripped some of her hair out during a fight with her girlfriend, or ex girlfriend, whatever, or the fact that she's completely unstable? Some people's friends are weird.

[Image via Splash News]

Oh, Kanye. You're an idiot. No, a douchebag.

Quote of the day:

"Kanye West is the person pissing me off right now. I was at Stella McCartney's Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Paul McCartney, and Kanye West. The entire time Kanye is going, 'They need more fur in this show'. He just wouldn't shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he's saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! I was just so grossed out by him. I'm like, 'You're an idiot!' There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he's up there. I should wear him. Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur."

- Pink

I would NOT want to wear Kanye's fur. Gross. But, I'm right there with you Pink on the fact he's an idiot.
[Image via People Magazine]

Faux wood necklace

I bought this a few weeks ago along with what I thought was my new bathing suit for the summer (I was wrong). The necklace stayed and the bathing suit went back. It's super cute, lightweight, and looks great paired with a bathing suit and a sunhat. And, for $24, it's super affordable to look so adorable.

Have you got three hours to spare today?

If you're a DMB fan, you've got three hours to spare....

Worst hair do ever

Ok, so maybe not the worst hair do ever, but it's like she didn't have time to shower and just took all the grease that had accumulated near her forehead and used it to slick back her ratfink hair. I mean, really? This is the do you chose for an awards ceremony where you're presenting? This girl bugs the hell out of me.

[Image via Getty]