Dear Katie,
Hey, I know it's been a long time since we've chatted, but I figured I'd send you a quick note. I'm not sure if you've noticed or not, but recent media pictures of you have been, well, less than flattering. I'm not sure who dresses you, but you may want to rethink some of your fashion choices (i.e. the outfit above is a great example of how much of a skank you look these days). And a hair braid around your forehead? Honestly, what is that all about? Is that your own hair or did you actually buy that? And those eye lashes? They look like porn moustaches. I'm also a little worried about your stomach... Have you and Tara Reid been hanging out? If so, may I make a recommendation that you not hang out with her ever again? It could really hurt your image. One other thing, does the shirtless guy to your right have a dead cat hanging from his shoulder? I'm confused... are you partying or dumpster diving?
Maybe someday we can be friends again, but since you refuse to listen to me, I'm just going to keep gloating at all the drunk ho pictures that are swirling around the internet (and, Katie, it's "internet" not "internets").
Take care,
Your Dignity
[Image via WENN]
