Relationship news

A-Rod is single and I bet the ladies are lining up! Apparently, Kate Hudson and A-Rod are kaput. But, really, are we at all surprised by this news? He only thinks with his rod and she's either doing movies about weddings or divorce. I don't think their values match up.

In other news, Tony Romo is apparently engaged after only a few months of dating. Poor Jessica Simpson. Do you think now she'll realize she's going to die alone and just get on with it?

And, Tiger Woods' mistress pile is up to 14. If Tiger lived in NH, where committing adultery is still a crime, he'd have to pay a $16,800 fine. Hey, it's better than what would've happened to him if he was living there back in the 1800s. They used to make perpetrators stand in the gallows for an hour with a noose around their neck (although, I think the noose should've been around something else), get up to 40 lashes, or spend a year in jail.

[Image via Mike's Blog]

Jessica sure knows how to talk purdy

I'm not sure what's more funny about this clip. The fact that the guy taking the video called Jessica Simpson's Mom "Mrs. Spears," or the fact that Jessica Simpson proves, once again, what an idiot she is. Apparently it's okay to say "Indian giver" if you're from Texas. Y'know, because everything's better there.

I think I might know why Tony Romo dumped her the day before her birthday. It had nothing to do with her neediness. I think it might be because every time they were enjoying each other's company in the bedroom, she'd start hollering some Texas saying. I've heard that her favorites included:

"Beat me like a rented mule!!"
"Hey, nobody ever drowned in sweat."
"You are busier than a cat trying to cover up crap on a marble floor!"
"Can we cuddle, Tony? I'm as cold as a witch's tit."
"Oh, wow! This ain't your first rodeo, is it?!"
"I can't cotton to that, Tony!"
"Every time I stand up, my mind sits down."
"When dealin' with a slick son of a b...., start off by pinnin' him down and changin' his oil."