I believe

Well, Mulder would certainly be pleased with this news.  An alien planet, which has been observed for the last 11 years, has been deemed habitable.  Apparently there are close to 500 alien planets that have been found and are currently under investigation to see if, someday, people could live there.  This is simply fantastic.  If there's 500, there has to be more, right?  And, are there actual aliens living on these alien planets?  Or are they sitting vacant with for sale signs on them?  I'd like my own planet, please.  I'd like to be able to live on my own alien planet with all the people I love most and just create our own society and live by our own rules.  A planet where there's a river of red wine, trees filled with cucumbers and doritos, and it's fall for nine months straight.  Yeah, I really like the sound of that.     

What do you think is going on here?

Jon Hamm looks incredibly confused.  Maybe the lovely Blake Lively opened her mouth to ask him what he thought of her dress, and instead of her beautiful, curvaceous voice, she burped really loud.  And maybe he was at first disgusted, but then grew confused because she just kep burping this one really long burp and after a little while, he was disturbed because even her burping gave him a teeny little bit of wood.  Yup, he totally went from six to eight.

[Image via Splash News]

Yo! Hey! Ciao! Aloha! Peace!

Hi, I'm Sharon!  Greetings!  I'm so happy that you stopped by!  I've decided to break out my old leather pants, which, ahem, I wore when I was 11!  Take that, Janice Dickinson!  Also, I ran into Julia Louis Dreyfus last night and she was gushing about how I should try and bring back the hair boof her character Elaine wore on Seinfeld and I agreed with her that if anyone could do it, it's this girl!  The other thing I agreed to bring back?  The puffy shirt.  Yup, I want to be a pirate!  And I think I'm totally pulling it off.  Wait, hey, Richard! Hey, Richard Gere!!!  Over here!!!!  Ugh, he's such a snob.  Oh my God, there's Madonna!  MADONNA!!!!!!!  Wow, maybe I need to walk over there a little more because I don't think anyone can hear me.  Wait, I can't remember why I'm here.  What event is this??  Shit, where's my purse?  Excuse me, sir?  What event is this??  What?  Turn around/?  What?  Ohhhhh, *snickers* he must want to see how hot my ass looks in these pants.  Okay, yeah, I'll turn around....oops, what's that on the ground?   

[Image via Splash News]     

Somebody thinks they look awesome

This outfit is awful.  I hate when women try to do the messy version of the male suit and put something like this together.  And what is Tom Cruise's son Connor doing with her??

[Image via Splash News]

I'm watching you

I don't get what all the fuss is about over Kelly Brook. I mean, this picture certainly shows that she has boobs, although it could be because her top is at least a size too small.  But, I'm not sure I get what's happening with her face.  Is she supposed to be pretty?  Her lipstick is the only feminine thing on her face (however, she should learn how to apply said lipstick).  And what is that thing on her upper lip?  Do you see it?  It's not a shadow, that's for sure.  Geesh, she's wearing that thing on the runway??  Well, yes, the outfit is hideous (eyes AND flowers??), but the moustache is so not in style this season.  She needs to do her homework. 

[Image via Splash News]

Caffeine will make you kill people

So, for the past year I've been battling the caffeine demon.  I quit coffee cold turkey back in 2005 and didn't even miss it, but when I started drinking Red Bull (sugar free) a couple of years ago, I got so hooked that I would practically burst into tears at the thought of not drinking one every afternoon.  Then, I started drinking two a day and that was when I realized something had to give.  So, I quit cold turkey January 1st 2010.  And I missed it.  However, I got back into the swing of drinking more tea and enjoyed the morning ritual of making, and savoring, a cup of tea.  Yeah, I've totally fallen off the wagon and had a few Red Bulls here and there (more so recently, but I blame that on the insomnia that has snuck up on me again), but it's nothing compared to what I was consuming each day. 

I guess it's a good thing that I'm laying off the caffeine, because who knows, I could've potentially ended up like Woody Will Smith of Kentucky.  That poor sonofabitch is claiming he killed his wife because he was so tweaked on caffeine.  The guy was drinking sodas, energy drinks, and taking diet pills all at once and apparently lost his country shit and strangled his wife.  Apparently there is a legit diagnosis for "caffeine intoxication," which includes nervousness, excitement, insomnia and possibly rambling speech.  Did you know that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines an overdose as more than 300 mg? That's about three cups of coffee.  Woody Will Smith allegedly consumed 400 mgs, but was also so sleep deprived that he apparently went into a state of psychosis. 

There appears to be some holes in his story, but his lawyer is going to play the caffeine intoxication card in court.  A legal strategy invoking caffeine intoxication is unusual but has succeeded at least once before, in a case involving a man cleared in 2009 of charges of running down and injuring two people with a car in Washington state.

Buried at sea, yet not really

Call me stupid, but I had no idea that non-cremated human remains can be buried at sea.  From the EPA: "Burial at sea of human remains that are not cremated shall take place at least 3 nautical miles from land and in water at least 600 feet deep.  All necessary measures shall be taken to ensure that the remains sink to the bottom rapidly and permanently."  (However, there's no information provided as to what the necessary measures must be to make sure the body sinks rapidly and permanently.) 

Apparently, the Lasky family of North Carolina attempted to carry out the dying wishes of Daniel Lasky by burying him at sea, but his body surfaced a day later and all hell broke loose off the coast of Fort Lauderdale, FL (Mr. Lasky specifically requested the area because he loved to vacation there).  Homicide began investigating, suspecting foul play, but then found the man's obituary online.

Pretty crazy.  And awesome. 

The short people's club

This picture is freaking me out a little.  I know that Katie Holmes is taller than her wee little husband, Tom, but she looks ginormous here.  And he looks like a small child.  Is she taking him to his first day of kindergarten?  I mean, all he needs is a backpack.  And is that a dress she's wearing?  Because, I think it may be a pillowcase.  I guess Tom's got one thing going for him.  He's not Elijah Wood:

[Images via Splash]

A typical day for Miley Cyrus

Ashley Greene: Dahlink Miley!  So amazing to run into you in this water fountain in Paris!  Come here and give us a kiss!

Miley Cyrus: Ash!  Oh! Em! Gee!  I love your pet bird!  Oh, wait!  That's like totally my hand with my sweater like wrapped around it. Duh!

Random white guy: Holy shit, you girls should kiss!  Here, let me help you, Ashley.  There you go, just lean in, now put your hand on the back of Miley's head and just guide her in...

Randon black guy: Dude, stop forcing it.  It has to happen naturally.  And, thanks for looking so gay because this twosome may just become a threesome.

Ashley: Miley, you look so cute I could just eat you!

Miley: I'm so wet!  I think we should totally, like, take our clothes off and like, run through this fountain!

Random white guy: Hey, I'm not gay.  You're gay. 

Random black guy: Your mother's gay. 

Ashley and Miley (in unison): WE LOVE PARIS!!!!  Eeeeeeeeeee!

[Image via the Daily Fix]

Clydesdale Respect

I'm a total sucker for the Budweiser clydesdale commercials.  I usually cry.  Okay, I always cry.  Well, this one is no exception. I'd never seen this one before, which makes sense since it only aired it once - during the 2002 SuperBowl.      

Before and After

This is Britney's boyfriend, Jason Trawick, before they started dating:

And, this is him just this past week on vacation with his honey:

Um, wow.  The dude is ripped.  And desperately needs to eat a sweet muffin.  With extra butter.

I don't care what anyone says. I know that I'm a damn good actress

Like many of you, I'm sure, I was very surprised to see LaLohan on the cover of next month's Vanity Fair.  I mean, haven't we already heard enough about what is wrong with her life?  All that family does is talk about themselves, each other, and blames everyone they can for their problems and terrible life. 

Once again, LocoLohan shared some words of wisdom:

On her career: "I want my career back. I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies. And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It's not fun anyway.

On her past: "I don't care what anyone says. I know that I'm a damn good actress. � And I know that in my past I was young and irresponsible-but that's what growing up is. You learn from your mistakes."

On her father: "I think my biggest focus for myself is learning how to continue to get through the trauma that my father has caused in my life."

On her alleged drug use: "I've never abused prescription drugs. I never have-never in my life. I have no desire to. That's not who I am. I've admitted to the things that I've done-to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things �cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, O.K., �cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it."

On the courtroom drama: "It was "hearbreaking" to see Ali cry. "The worst part of it is you turn around and you see your dad crying and normally you�d be, like, happy that your father�s there. But then he has to go and do an interview right after."

On hanging out with the wrong crowd: �So many people around me would say they cared for the wrong reasons. A lot of people were pulling from me, taking from me and not giving. I had a lot of people that were there for me for, you know, the party.�

I just threw up a little in my mouth

These two repulse me.  Poor Amy Winehouse.  Remember when she had talent?  Now all she has is Pete Doherty, some baby mice, and an apartment full of trash, drugs, and bed bugs. 

[Image via Posh24.com]

Anne Hathaway chops her hair off

And, wow, it's dramatically different.  And short.  What do you think??

[Image via X17]

This is what Demi Moore calls her sexy dance

What do you think is going on here? And what in the world is Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore doing on stage at a Snoop concert?  All I know is that Demi's attempt at dirty dancing is laughable.  And boy, did I laugh hard.

This HAS to be true

Please let this be true.  One of Paris Hilton's friends is divulging that the heiress traipses around the world and always brings along a stash of cocaine with her.  But, where does she hide this stash so that she's not (always) caught?  In.  Her.  Vagina.  This got me thinking that she must do this with more than just cocaine, right?  I bet she has smuggled in wild animals from other countries to add to her pet menagerie (um, I think she was showing off a monkey in LA after one of her trips to Africa), and there's quite possibly one or two of her BFFs in there (didn't one of her BFFs die??  Just sayin).  That thing has to be a bit cavernous, what with all the use it's gotten over the years.

[Image via Getty Images]