Rock Lobster

Lady GaGa has gone and done it.  She's gone and outdone herself.  She sported this little outfit while out and about in the UK this weekend.  I'm not entirely sure the relevance of lobster hat to latex nurse dress, but what I find most interesting is the "bracelet" she's wearing.  Is that a plastic yellow hand?  Is she honoring Mr. Burns from the Simpsons?  Or is this the new "Live Strong" bracelet? 

[Image via Perez Hilton]

The Bounty Hunter

Someone, preferably a friend or, heck, maybe even her agent, really needs to sit Jennifer Aniston down and have the talk. Y'know, the one where they tell her she's a really sweet girl and she has her shit together and she's super cute. Get her all smiling and gushing "oh, stop," while playfully slapping your hand. And then, just lay it on the table: honey, you need to stop doing movies. I know, it's harsh, but let's break it down:


TV career:
Friends - that says it all. She was fantastic on Friends.
South Park - very funny as Mrs. Stevens the Choir Teacher
King of Hill - again, funny stint as Pepporoni Sue
30 Rock - by far her funniest and most brilliant role since Friends. Yeah, she nailed it.

Movie Career:
Office Space - she was flaretastic.
Rock Star - definitely not a star. More like a flicker.
Along Came Polly - along came my finger to hit fast forward.
Derailed - a definite train wreck. I so wanted to like this one, too, because of Clive Owen.
Rumor Has It - yes, rumor had it that you were one of the top paid actresses. That didn't last long.
Love Happens - so doesn't anger, especially after watching this movie (I'm sure).

So, to sum it up: I do like Jen. I do. But, seriously, she needs to maybe consider a TV role again and get out of the movies. Maybe she can join her BFF Courtney on Cougar Town. I don't know how or why that show is doing so well (I have yet to see it), but maybe she could play a Puma. Oh, wait, never mind. That's the name of one of her upcoming movies.

The dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger

What's surprising to me is I'm not all that distraught over Ke$ha's outfit (maybe the cane), but it's the guy standing behind her with that very suspect, and quite disgusting, facial hair on his chin.  What IS that???  Seriously, does this guy think that, paired with the shaved head, that the chin hair makes him look even more bad ass?  Like, there's no way anyone will eff with him or Ke$ha because it makes him look like he's just always growling.  Sorry, dude, but I'm going to say that the chin hair makes me want to eff with you even more than I normally would (and no, I wouldn't normally want to mess with this guy because I'm not the kind of person who walks around scrapping with strangers, although I still have a lot of scrapping years left).

One other thing: do you think that Lady GaGa is getting seriously annoyed by all these wannabes?  Or do you think that she's flattered because since she's come onto the scene, other weird definitely out there individuals have thought, "hey, if she can do it, well, so can I."  Madonna is probably pissed.  Gone are the days when people idolized her and wanted to be like a virgin.  Now we've got people running around dry humping cops,  not wearing any pants anywhere, and wanting to get hammered while swimming in a kiddie pool with an inflatable whale.  Wait a minute...that actually sounds a lot better than being a virgin.  And now I know what I'm doing this weekend.

[Image via Splash News]

16 going on 45

Seriously, this is madness.  Poor Ali Lohan appears to be absorbing the horror that is her sister's life, because this girl is only 16 and she looks like she's birthed four kids, divorced three times, and smokes two packs of cigarettes a day.  I mean, what?  Maybe she should look into botox or something.  She should call Nicole Kidman and ask her what would be her best plan of action, because at the rate she's going, she'll be dead in a few years.

[Image via Splash News]

She's at it again

If it's not Lindsay, it's Paris.  These two were meant to be train wrecks.  I find this picture very interesting.  What do you think Paris is thinking about in this instance?  Hmmm....

Wait, I don't see my underwear.  Why is everyone screaming about my underwear when I don't even have any on?  Wow, my head feels heavy in this position.  This rug is like totally dirty.  I wonder if my ass looks as good as I think it does right now.  *hiccup* And where's the stripper pole?  I mean, someone promised me there would be a stripper pole in this club!  I'm calling daddy.  He can have one flown in like in two seconds.  Something smells funny.  And now I'm craving fish tacos.

[Image via Splash News]

Curves are back!

Christina Hendricks graces the cover of this week's New York Magazine wearing her best Beyonce outfit.  Or is it Lady Gaga?  Regardless, it's refreshing to see someone flaunting a very curvy figure.  The woman is gorgeous and the fact that she stands out because of her curves gives me a bit of hope that Hollywood can be saved.  Enough of the "nothing tastes better than skinny feels" movement.  Bring on the curves!

Esquire takes on Leo.

And the pictures are delicious. Check out March's issue for all the goods.


[Image via Esquire.com]

Yawn.

Does anyone care about seeing Kara DioGuardi in a bikini? I mean, didn't she already do that on stage during American Idol last year? If I remember correctly (and I do), she tried to show up "Bikini Girl" by flashing her lady bits and, when I say flash, I mean, she ripped her dress open then covered herself up really quickly and ran off stage. AND, she said after the fact that she's really very shy and didn't really want to show any skin. Yet, here she is, in MAXIM, nonetheless, flashing more of her bits.


Yawn. Bored. I mean, you don't see Paula running out to pose for Psychology Today or Randy beebopping over to guest star on DogTown OR Simon skipping to fire someone on The Apprentice. She needs to take it down a notch.

[Image via Maxim.com]

It's classy Friday!

Leave it to Pammy Anderson to totally class it up while snowboarding. Not sure what to wear for lessons? Take a page out of Pammy's skank handbook and go with this little number. She gives it a touch of dignity by going with the white panties, which I'm happy to see considering the panties her handbook told her to wear were crotchless.

[Image via Splash News]

Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol?

Whoa, I think my brain just exploded. Could you even imagine this scenario? Here, let me help you:

Howard (to AI contestant): Listen, you were horrible. You sounded like my ex-wife when we were doing it doggy style on Wednesday nights.

Randy Jackson: Ohhhhhhh, H-Dog, family show here, family show.

Howard: Randy, stop being a pussy. This broad is terrible. She's gotta nice rack, but her voice is bad.

Kara: Howard! As a woman, I'm incredibly offended by what you're saying!

Howard: Oh, please, Kara. You're only saying that because you think that's what you should say. F--k you. There's a dirty little tramp hiding inside you (nudges Ellen Degeneres and winks at her) and I'm sure your husband is somewhere in the audience right now nodding his head in agreement.

Ellen: don't touch me.

Howard: Ellen, you know you miss the penis. Well, if you don't, you haven't been introduced to mine. However, I do find lesbians incredibly hot. Well, not you because your too old. But, your wife. YES!

Randy: I agree 100 billion percent.

Ryan: Uh, guys, can we get back to the judging here?

Howard: right. Yeah, sorry sugartits, but you're not going to make it in Hollywood. As a singer, anyway. I could help you make it if you're intersted in doing softcore porn. I mean, that ass is like--

Ryan: THIIIIIIISSSS is American Idol.

So, this happened

Honestly, sometimes I just don't get what people put on their bodies. Especially celebrities. I'm certain that Rihanna is competing with Lady GaGa for craziest performance outfit. She kind of looks like a dirty elf. I mean, the girl's got curves. But, I'm not sure this accentuates her best assets (I think if she worked it even a little bit she might show more crotch than is absolutely necessary). And it looks like she's trying to ram the microphone down her throat. She's a dirty angry elf.

[Image via Getty]

Money cash hoes money cash chicks what

Does anyone else think Ke$ha looks like a young completely methed out Debbie Gibson? Because I do. Not only do I find her irritating as hell, especially considering that stupid Tik Tok song hit #1, but she can't carry on a conversation to save her life. She just sounds.... dumb. I read somewhere that she said she's a party girl because her Mom went into labor with her while partying. Wow. I'd like to now imagine that conversation:

Ke$ha: But, Mom, I just love to party! Y'know, crunk it up and get drizzunk with my girlies!

Mom: Oh, honey, you were born to party. I'm not surprised because I actually gave birth to you at one of the most stellar parties of 1995!

Ke$ha: nooooooooooooo way. You popped me out at a party?

Mom: *nodding excitedly* Yes! Oh, it was amazing. It was the night after high school graduation. Be My Lover by La Bouche was playing and a bunch of us were all dancing around acting silly. Your Dad was even there for a little while...

Ke$ha: were you high?

Mom: I sure was! I was high on you! Well, to be honest, I really didn't know I was pregnant and then boom! I peed my pants, but it wasn't pee, it was like pregnancy stuff. And then I was pushing and everyone gathered around me because they thought I was busting out a new dance move. They called it "Heavy Breathing with a hint of rage." It was all the craze for the rest of that night.

Ke$ha: wow, mom, that's like totally cool. So, how'd I get my name?

Mom: well, no one actually took me to the hospital for a few days, so in the mean time, we created our own little birth certificate out of poster board, glitter, and confetti. Oh, and some magazine clippings from Cosmo!! I still have it somewhere... Someone spelled your name using the Money Cash Hoes confetti.

Ke$ha: wow! I'm going to go write a song about this.

We can do so much more. We can save this world... with the right outfit.

Malin Akerman is just very meh to me. I don't think she's a very good actress. And, you can now add dresser to that list. This outfit is so ridiculous to me. Kinda like she's trying to be edgy like Lady GaGa (uh, no one will be ever be as creative as that woman when it comes to clothing), but at the same time, she's having a hard time letting go of her costumes from The Watchmen. And I hate that smile she's sporting. It's that smile that sneers "I'm so pulling this off." Um, no you aren't Malin. Maybe if you were wearing red cowboy boots.